Scotch by night

The moment of death changes everything. From being to non-being. From being there, weak, pale, shrivelled, to not being there at all. Mark’s body was gone, and with it his soul and his presence. Judith looked at the objects that had lost their purpose with a hollow feeling, a non-feeling. She picked up the medications, the drips, the tubes, scissors and bandages, the trays of cardboard and the diapers and put it all in a black bag that she carried out. It had served to sustain him and it had served a purpose as long as he was still breathing and now it was superfluous and she could hardly bear to touch it. As if it were contaminated.

Then she removed and threw away the sheets and other clothes and made someone come and pick up the bed and when all that was done the room was empty and she put a bunch of tulips in a vase and sat and cried there a few times a day until after the funeral and until the tulips had shrivelled and died. Judith threw them away.

And then she was a widow.

She had known for a long time this was her fate. She had thought about what it would be like and she had visualised the long path that would bring her here. She was tired.

After a few weeks she realized that Brian was impinging on her life with a certain frequency. A hug and a smile at the funeral, a reassuring smile, toned down. I am here for you type of smile.

A card and some flowers. The flowers she had always liked. Tulips again, but she put them in the kitchen. A photo of him and Mark together, each tanned, each with a surf board and sunglasses, each looking as handsome as can be. They were both handsome. Both had courted her and though Brian was considered by most as the one to go for Judith had never desired him.

Once they were drunk and ended up in a bed. A bit drunk. Enough to make poor judgements and Judith had thought she would try to fancy him. But she didn’t and now he was eager to undress her and make love to her. How to stop it without hurting his pride, without triggering his rage? It would be a close call. Judith could sense the anger in him. Maybe this was why he wasn’t on her A-list. Could he be trusted in any situation? His hands were already inside her knickers. “No” she said firmly. “Think about your honour, Brian”.

That worked. He was hurt, for he wanted her badly also in daylight. But he was mates with Mark and he bore it with grace when Mark and Judith became a couple and moved in together. As for Brian, he dated serially and everyone knew he liked the ladies, be they wide or slender, tall, short, curly, straight or even shaved.

And now he was there in the shadows, or she was in the shadows and he was just outside in the light and the light was reflecting off his shape, enticing her to step out.

It hadn’t been long when Brian came round one early afternoon – it must have been a Sunday. He knocked on her door in his cycling gear and the air that came in with him was warm and summery. Judith was wearing a yellow dress and her hair was set in a bun. She was drinking tea and grappling with a hard Sudoku.

Brian spotted it and complimented her for doing difficult Sudokus. He preferred to be out on his expensive bike which was spotless and now stood inside Judith’s front door.

Clutching a mug of tea Brian looked at Judith. “I…” he began. “I know” said Judith. And she did. What he had planned to say was of no import. She knew what he felt. But not why he felt it, and what it was really about. Right now she didn’t care.

She stepped off the chair and pulled the dress over her head. Underneath her dress was her naked body. These days it was a skinny body with small breasts and a great amount of pubic hair and even some hair in her armpits.

She felt strangely free and weightless as she crossed the remaining 5 feet or so that separated them and sat herself astride him and felt his lycra shorts against her thighs. His hands fell on her hips, and she kissed him. Sitting like this, naked, was stretching her sex open and she felt the temperature change between her legs where the air could now reach.

Brian had good lips. Arousal was as good as instant and very powerful. Judith decided to focus on the present with all her might and force Mark out of her mind. Just for now. There would be time to reflect later.

She was a woman now. She knew how to make love. Together they pulled his cycling shorts halfway down his thighs to liberate his sex. It was a big sex. Suddenly she remembered that his dick was quite famous, and not just for having been clad in so many pussies. Would it fit?

Gingerly Judith lowered herself onto Brian and slowly allowed him to enter her completely. She sensed that Brian was used to this process. Judith relaxed and let her weight onto his thighs and started moving. There was pleasure mixed with a tinge of pain. Looking down on Brian’s face she saw astonishment and wonder and pleasure. “I’ll get my period tomorrow, Brian” she said. This matter-of-fact statement was filled with tenderness. She gave him her body in full complicity. Brian felt touched. And he was free to enjoy the act to its conclusion. Now free also of concern Brian enjoyed her hot, tight sex for a few more moments before releasing himself inside her.

The orgasm is like a small death both for its physical aspects and for its emotional impact. The room where they were changed colour. As he was drained from her, all her arousal drained, too, and Judith was left feeling cold and out of place. Brian looked limp and helpless. The distance between them grew second by second. Brian knew there was nothing he could say to bring them back together and that any tender touch would fail. An intense sadness filled every inch of him as he pulled his cycle shorts back on and got up to leave.

“Goodbye, Judith”, he said. “I love you”.